A friend of mine is pregnant. I'm happy for her. She and her husband are amply blessed. And, in my own life, so am I.
But my heart hurts. And tonight, a little bit more.
As I mentioned in earlier posts, I am infertile...early menopause...bad eggs...ovarian failure...a perfect storm leading to a state of complete barrenness. Most of the time, I'm fine. But other times, like tonight...not so much.
Being childless by chance is much different than being childfree by choice. When you have no choice, you make the best of it and you live your life fully and with joyful intent.
But occasionally, you hit a landmine that blasts your heart to shreds.
And the landmine I hit was in the form of a text.
My life is good. I, too, am amply blessed. But the unmet need and desire to be a mom is a sore that never quite heals. It may scab over, but it's just a text message, a phone call, a day at the mall away from bleeding out, yet again.
Tomorrow is a new day. And my life will still be good.
But tonight, I need to crawl into bed and snuggle a bit tighter into my husband's embrace and hope that our love will always be enough of a salve to help that wound heal, once and for all.